Trying to find happiness in the insanity of 2020? Don’t focus on happiness
20 simple actions that can accidentally contribute to happiness
We’re having our morning coffee in the office.
Ruby snores away without a care in the world - upside down - on her memory foam bed.
Sue reads the news, watches a few dog videos on her phone, and complains about Dawne’s latest 72-point word in online Scrabble.
“You realize it’s been exactly 6 months since the lockdown,” she says.
“2020 has propelled us into a bizarre state where anxiety is ramped up and time perception is messed up,” I reply.
Sue concurs. “All week I’ve been 24 hours behind… or ahead. I’m not sure. I woke up today convinced it was Monday and it’s only Sunday morning!”
So, I start thinking… Our lives have indeed been turned upside down – and the need for simple anchors that provide happiness or a little meaning has never been greater.
Will there be a lasting impact of the pandemic in how we view what is meaningful – what leads to happiness?
One neighbour says he will never go back to over-booking customers and not having sufficient time between appointments - to not only wipe things down with sanitizer – but also to reset his mind and energy.
That sounds like a good start.
Long before Covid, in her book, The pursuit of happiness and why it’s making us anxious, author Ruth Whippman argued that the $10 billion happiness industry actually creates less happiness. As she puts it, “…happiness should be serendipitous, the by-product of a life well-lived, and chasing it in a vacuum just doesn’t really work.”
I have slowly come to the realization that no matter the quality of incense or how long I hold the lotus pose, there aren’t going to be any big revelations, life-changing epiphanies, or “wow, now I get it!” eruptions of insight.
A focus on pursuing happiness is much like talking about becoming a better person. As in those kaleidoscope-like optical illusions that are shared across the Internet, when your focus is upon happiness it disappears from sight. When your focus is elsewhere, however, it can magically appear in your peripheral vision.
My conclusion is that simple things are the best way to not focus upon happiness.
This is not a descent into meaninglessness, but rather an embrace of a life of actions - big and small - made from a stance of loving acceptance. My ability to lose myself and find meaning in them can accidentally create happiness.
Here’s a list of 20 pandemic-proof simple actions or experiences that work for me (in no particular order).
Prolonged eye contact with Sue (but not Ruby – I fear she’s manipulative).
Any story told by one of the kids.
Drinking Scotch (or whiskey).
Making people laugh to the point of nasal squirts or flatulence (careful not to mix the two).
Finishing off Tupperware leftovers so that the container can be cleaned and returned to the cupboard.
The smell of burned marshmallows (minus the burn on the roof of my mouth).
Listening to Gordon Lightfoot, Bach, Joni Mitchell, or John Prine.
Feeling cool grass between bare toes.
Imagining the most afflicted people you meet are family - and trying (rarely succeeding) to treat them as such.
Playing board games.
Sue’s laugh.
The aroma of my uncle’s pipe tobacco – (it’s just a memory – but I can still smell it).
A peaty summer rain.
Shopping for fresh ingredients and making a socially-distanced meal for guests (while drinking more Scotch… or whiskey).
Old friends.
Listening to another with complete attention.
Sleeping past 5:30 am.
Reading a newspaper/magazine (in print or digital) while drinking coffee (or Scotch… or whiskey).
Maybe Leo Tolstoy said it best: “If you want to be happy, be.”
What are your pandemic-proof simple actions that generate happiness?
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