Learn the 5 signs of Premature Christmas Decorating Syndrome
We start most days with our walk to the farm accompanied by Ruby the basket case dog. There’s a chill in the air this morning - so while the grass remains green we’re dressed in layered autumn wear.
A highlight is crossing paths with Rebecca and her 3 young children – they are the very definition of adorable – so this day is off to a good start.
The 2 sisters approach on their bikes with frenetic speed. They circle like sharks reciting recent events and upcoming plans in a dizzying cadence. Their still speechless baby brother observes the mayhem from his stroller - casually removing footwear while no doubt making longer-term plans for his eventual counterinsurgency.
Rebecca’s husband Matthew lags behind – but, to his credit, at least appears earnest in his attempt to catch up.
Today’s visit includes colour commentary from the girls on their fall garb. “Miss Sue!” they call her. “Miss Sue, look at my jacket!” says the eldest pointing out decorative rainbows and unicorns while her little sister demonstrates an exaggerated wink that melts Sue’s heart.
Our visit with Rebecca (Matthew remains a good 50 yards behind) turns to the topic of the changing season – the chance of a snow flurry – and there’s a twinkle in Rebecca’s eye - the first hint that something might be seriously the matter.
Instantly, we’re discussing all things festive – music, movies, décor, favourite television traditions.
It’s only early October and Rebecca is a veritable yuletide encyclopaedia.
We finish our chat (just as Matthew catches up) and wish one another delightful days.
Sue, Ruby, and I carry on towards the farm but my face betrays a consternation.
“Why so glum chum?” asks Sue. “They make my day! Don’t you just love that family?”
“Of course I do,” I reply. “Who wouldn’t? But did you not see that?”
“See what?” asks Sue.
“Rebecca!” I reply. “I think she may have the Syndrome.”
“Oh honey, don’t be so dramatic,” says Sue.
“I’m not being dramatic! The Syndrome can tear at the fabric of society. Premature Christmas Decorating Syndrome (PCDS) is real and the afflicted are misguided in their hope of stretching out the festivities.”
Sue shakes her head at me. So does Ruby.
And since they won’t listen, please hear me out:
Learn to identify the warning signs and maybe you can make a difference in people’s lives.
Here are five signs that indicate that you or someone you love may suffer from PCDS.
1. Halloween-Christmas Contamination: When most severe, PCDS actually manifests before October 31st and in such cases the prognosis is never promising. Orange, green and red? Really??? Christmas and Halloween don’t mix, folks.
Elves and Goblins are fundamentally different creatures.
One is Santa’s secretive, roving HR department doing performance reviews and sending them back to head office to justify the cancelling of your Christmas bonus.
The other is a nasty gang of tricksters – small-statured, mischievous and incomprehensible creatures. (Hmmm, that still sounds like an HR department, doesn’t it?)
Whatever the case, they’re truly distinct and don’t belong together.
Hallowe’en and Christmas do NOT mix.
2. Creepy Elf On The Shelf Fatigue: There are only so many potential positions for these ghastly little buggers. Pull him out of his storage box in early November and by the beginning of December, the thrill (if there ever was one) is gone. Until someone composes the Elf on the Shelf Kama Sutra – there are only so many positions for these fellows. Want to give children (or adults with vivid imaginations) nightmares? Start your Elf on the Shelf contortions before the snow flies.
3. Bulging Autumn Belly: A recent study from Texas Tech University showed that even for those who exercise regularly, Christmas is prime time for putting on the pounds. It’s a fact that PCDS drives holiday consumption. Extending your season by a few weeks is a good way for Grinchypoo to get stuck in the chimney. Each tiny piece of your Aunt Norma’s fruitcake packs a full 11 grams of fat and 70 grams of carbs. It’s 360 calories in that fancy gingerbread latte. A cup of rum and eggnog? How does 400 calories sound? Hey, whatever floats your bloat!
How does 400 calories sound?
4. Cheesy Christmas Sweaters & Empty Social Calendars: Those festive yarn clusters of holly, reindeer and snowflakes are a leading cause of isolation during the holidays. PCDS sufferers who start donning these tight-fitting eyesores as early as mid-November find themselves uninvited to gatherings and sitting by themselves in cafeterias. (Rightfully so.)
5. Perpetual Christmas Lights: This is the pushmi-pullyu of PCDS – you can’t see where it starts and where it ends. When you spot these sad flashing lights wrapped unevenly around a bush on the summer solstice, it’s hard to tell if they’ve been triggered early or simply left on since last Christmas by the PCDS procrastinator. The town of Orangeville, Ont., actually passed a law on this one – banning these colourful bulbs before Remembrance Day in a tasteful, albeit unenforceable, nod to our veterans.
I assure you, there is nothing Scrooge-like in my alarm. In an effort to prolong the joy of the season, PCDS sufferers simply dampen its intensity.
A shorter, synchronized, and more spirited holiday is far more satisfying. A person not yet in the festive mood is at risk of being left frustrated by their partner’s precocious tinsel tossing.
Please share the 5 signs and help make a difference.
